The rest of the day was awkward. The youth continued to babble insightful discourse during class just as they had before. But this time, instead of being impressed Tamar was disgusted.
They were hypocrites. They didn’t actually love God’s word, or people. They just liked acting smart and playing their church-kid card.
Maybe that was the real reason Ariel normally stayed silent. She didn’t need to spout off words to prove anything. Tamar knew she was great, and that’s all that mattered.
Jason joined the class, but remained quiet.
Trying to forget herself, Tamar prayed that maybe something that was said or read today could be used to show Jason that God was real. She tried not to hold judgments against him, either, for his beliefs. Mr. Cowell seemed determined to receive Jason.
During lunch, Ariel and Tamar decided to sit at their own table again, not bothering to join the youth group. But Gretchen noticed and jabbed Rayne in the side. Rayne stood and shouted, “Hey, guys let’s sit with Ariel and Tamar so they aren’t left out.”
Ariel groaned and Tamar’s gut twisted, echoing the sentiment.
Declan sat right across from Tamar. He grinned at her as if… as if he hadn’t just insulted her soul this morning.
The nerve.
She looked away from him, poking at her food.
Cameron and Faye squeezed into the table. Yesterday Tamar would have thought this was comfy. Today it was crowded.
She did not want Declan across from her. They were so close they were nearly touching and shivers galloped up Tamar’s spine.
Declan had a notepad and pen next to his plate of food. Somehow he’d found the elbow space to doodle and eat all at once. Curiosity took possession of Tamar’s anger. She looked down at his pad.
“You draw?”
Declan nodded, “Yeah.”
“What is it?”
“Just sketches of faces.”
Tamar peered closer. The page was full of simple faces with all sorts of expressions. The sketches weren’t that good, but man, he they evoked all the right emotions. One was of a man, his face all twisted up as if really embarrassed. Tamar could imagine the story behind it. She giggled.
Declan dipped his head sideways, smirking at her. “What’s funny?”
“His face. I’m just seeing him doing something really stupid… like telling his grandma he’d rather take her to prom than some girl.”
Declan chuckled. “Some story there.”
Tamar shrugged. “I can be creative, too.”
“Oh yeah?” Declan threw his pen to Tamar … it slipped through her fingers onto her lap.
She retrieved it and returned it to his notepad. “No thanks. Not that kind of creative. I can’t draw at all.”
“Ah!” He twiddled the pen, bending back over his pad, but flipped the cap off the back of the pen sending it flying toward Tamar. An ornery glint stuck to the corner of his eye. The pen cap barely missed her plate, falling back into her lap.
She picked it up and laid it beside him.
He brushed it away, back onto her.
Again she put it next to him.
Faye chuckled as Declan knocked the pen cap off the table once more back onto Tamar.
It was then that Tamar realized she and Declan were kinda flirting and everyone was watching. Or was he just saying, Hey, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.
She looked up and saw Ariel smirking.
Heat crept up her spine. Declan was such a player. He’d made her forget she didn’t even really like him anymore. What was he doing, flirting with some soul-lost girl? Her anger returned, she found Gretchen and threw the ink pen cap at her. “Here, Gretchen. Keep this safe for Declan, won’t you, since he can’t seem to keep a hold of it.”
Gretchen was pleased. “Thank you—I mean, I will.”
Of course. She was the one aiming to be related.
Forgetting Tamar, Declan turned to Gretchen and said, “That’s a great hand you got there. Mind holding up the cap and staying put so I can sketch this moment.”
Gretchen beamed.
And Tamar knew that she’d just given up Declan and handed him over to Gretchen. Maybe he’d always been hers anyways, but she’d nearly had a moment with him and she’d forfeited it … no, he’d been the one to do it. She didn’t want to be with a guy who was all looks and no actual kindness.
Tamar wouldn’t regret him.
Tamar scooted as close to the wall as she could, as far away from Declan as she could, and finished the rest of her meal in silence, trying to understand these kids who judged her for no apparent reason. They did like her, she thought. That’s what made it all the more confusing.
“Who’s ready for volleyball!” Cameron asked once their plates were cleared.
Ariel seemed excited. Sluggishly, Tamar followed them all out to the court. They stopped to invite Jason to come along, but he wasn’t interested.
The group reached the court. The girls immediately went for the shade as the boys looked for the volleyball. Ariel dropped to the ground and hid her head under her arms. “It’s too hot to play volleyball!”
“Ugh, yeah.” Faye said. “It is hot.”
Rayne elbowed Faye, playfully, and they shared a laugh over some inside joke they wouldn’t explain.
“C’mon, Ariel. It’s not that bad,” Declan said. He held the volleyball in his hands. “Once we get moving it’ll be fun and you won’t notice the heat.”
“Yeah right. Why don’t we go swimming?”
“That actually sounds fun to me,” Gretchen inserted. “I don’t feel like getting sweaty.”
Cameron said, “Why don’t we play one game, then go swimming? It’ll be more satisfying to sweat first.”
“Ew, no.” Gretchen pinched her nose.
But everyone else agreed. They divided themselves into teams. The heat pulled at Tamar’s ankles and pressed down on necks and shoulders. She could hardly move, or muster up any excitement for the game. She never had a chance to touch the ball. They’d been nice to her and cheered her on in the last game, but now she was one of them, and wasn’t given a chance to mess up.
Which was fine, she supposed. Her team won and she was the only one that hadn’t broken into a full sweat. She was also the only one not cracking jokes and talking freely with the others. She felt like an outcast. At least Ariel had the advantage of being related to half of them. Tamar was just an unwanted observer.
Game over, Ariel returned to Tamar’s side. “You like swimming?”
Tamar nodded. “I’m not so good, but I enjoy it.”
“What will you wear to swim in?” Ariel asked.
“Shorts and a shirt. Isn’t that the guideline for everyone?”
Ariel nodded. “Just checking you read them.”
“Mom made sure I did. Not that I wouldn’t have anyways. I read every word I find on any scrap of paper. Can’t help it.”
The two girls split at their cabins. None of Tamar’s family was around, so she changed quickly and hurried outside. Nobody was waiting on her. She walked to the girls’ cabin. Loud laughter seeped through the walls, so she was sure she hadn’t been left behind. She squatted under a tree out front.
Faye stuck her head out of the cabin window and waved. “Hey, Tamar! Come on in!”
Tamar’s feet turned to cement. She didn’t know if the cabin was off limits in the daytime. It felt that way. Just being this close made her want to look over her shoulder and see if her mother was watching her. She knew that was her conscience just being irrational. Her mother wouldn't care if she went in the cabin, would she?
The cabin wasn’t evil, it was just sleeping away from the family that Mrs. Geil didn’t like. Right?
Either way, Tamar forced herself to walk through the door. There was no reason to remain out here alone.
“Hey!” Ariel said. “You’ve finally made it.”
“Yeah.” Tamar surveyed the forbidden interior of this cabin. Stuff overflowed out of duffle bags and suitcases and purses. Clothes lay strewn over empty bunks, crumpled in piles on the floor, and were stuffed into the rungs of ladders. The cabin was a mess of color and lace and girls’ things.
“How do you all move?”
“I know, right?” Rayne pointed to a tucked away corner Tamar hadn’t noticed past the mess. It looked organized and neat, the bed covers tucked up neatly without a wrinkle very much like a cot in military barracks might. “I can barely stand being in the same cabin as these girls. I actually envy you, Tamar.”
“You’d rather stay with your mother?” Tamar asked.
Rayne started to say, “Yes—” then sheepishly said, “Yeah, you're right. I wouldn’t.”
The girls were all in their swimsuits. Faye was reading a book, waiting.
Gretchen peered into a hand mirror. She applied concealer and blush generously, then rubbed a sparkly gloss over her eyelids.
“Are you putting makeup on? Rayne asked Gretchen.
“Yeah. It’s waterproof.”
“Really? That’s neat.” Faye said.
Rayne rolled her eyes. “Ya know, it’s ok to let him see your real face sometimes.”
Him. Rayne must be referring to Declan, Tamar thought. She crossed her arms, feeling defensive, and backed away into the shadows of some bunks, hoping no one would notice the crush bleeding out of her heart.
Rayne pulled shorts over her swimsuit. Only Ariel wore a bikini top under her baggy shirt. Gretchen and Faye were still occupied with their makeup and book.
“Ready, guys?” Raybe asked.
“Yeah, just about,” Gretchen said. She added a little blush, then snapped her makeup cast shut.
Rayne led the way. “Race you all to the lake?”
Tamar didn’t register the unexpected call to run until nearly everyone was way ahead of her. She tried to catch up, but slowed to a jog after she saw it was hopeless. Beads dripped down her forehead nevertheless. She followed at a slow trot, down a grassy slope that tapered off at a dock in the lake.
Gretchen won with a few leaps. She ran down the floating dock and jumped right into the water. Faye followed, then Ariel. Rayne stopped right at the edge, looking at the water as if it were an enemy of some sort. But then right before Tamar caught up to her, Rayne jumped in, too. Tamar sat at the edge of the dock, and stuck her toes into the water.
Tamar pulled her toes out. “How is it so cold!”
“Just jump in and you’ll warm up before you can count to ten.” Ariel called.
Tamar hugged her knees. She stuck her toes back in, then her whole feet, then up to her ankles, then her calves…
“No!” Rayne and Ariel shouted in unison. “Jump in!”
“You can do it,” Faye encouraged.
“It’s not that bad,” Gretchen added.
“How deep is it?” Tamar looked at the murky water. There could be some giant hole filled with snappers and cottonmouths.
“Only about ten feet,” Ariel replied.
Tamar sucked in her breath, puckered her mouth and eyes, then jumped. Upon impact her body rolled into a ball, and shock gasped through her body as the cold pulled at her every string on her nerves.
She emerged and breathed the warm air.
“I-it’s s-so c-c-cold.”
Ariel laughed. “It’s not that bad.”
New shouts and yells announced that the boys had arrived. Splosh. Splosh. Droplets flew into Tamar’s face and nostrils as the boys joined them. Kicking her legs a little harder, Tamar scooted away from a break-out of wild splashing.
The rest of the kids chased each other in some game without rules or order. For a moment, Tamar wanted to fling herself into their middle. She was warmed up to the water now. But she resisted the urge. After this morning? No, thanks. It was best to keep a little distance, before they tried to hurt her with further judgements.
Ariel swam away from the group to Tamar. “Want to go closer to shore? We can just sit in the water?”
Tamar was done with deep water. “Yeah, let’s.”
The next installment will be published on the first Monday of next month.
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